Erika Gagnon did not arrive at Esalen with a plan. It was the early 1990s and she was driving down Highway 1, headed for Los Angeles, enmeshed in what she describes as “a very difficult and painful moment in my life.” Erika was thirty-one years old, solo, and running away from the pain. She had no spiritual framework, no belief in energies or healing, and no idea that the road ahead was about to end her old life entirely.
“I was literally driving down the highway,” she says. “I saw the Esalen sign and wondered what kind of place is this? What really challenged me was the ‘by reservation only’ on the sign. I remember thinking, I don't have any reservations written or otherwise, and I’m coming in.”
Erika turned right and drove down the hill.
At the gate, she was turned away but handed a printed catalog. She got back on Highway 1, continued south a few more miles to Lucia, where she stopped for a bite, only to lock her keys in the car.
AAA told her it would be hours. Nothing to do. Nowhere to go. Being that it was decades before smartphone ubiquity and wifi, all she could do was wait. Reluctantly, she opened the catalog.
“I didn’t believe in energy. I didn’t believe in spirits. Nothing woo-woo. I was very logical and rational, but, I thought, well, I've been on the road alone for months, cheap motels, fast food, I could share a bunk room and be with others, people to talk to, healthy food, hot springs, and the ocean. I can rest a bit before I get to L.A.”
What followed when she called, was a series of roadblocks. There were no rooms available, no late entry into workshops. Finally, almost in resignation, Erika chose a program called “Healing the Child Within.”
“If I don’t like it,” she told herself, “I just won’t go to the class.”
But the universe and Esalen had other plans.
Erika arrived self-reliant to a fault. Someone who did everything and asked for nothing.
“I was very independent,” she says. “I would never ask anyone for help, because I didn’t want to bother them or be disappointed if the help didn’t come.
The workshop opened a crack in her protective shell.
“I got triggered. Things started moving inside me. I realized I needed more healing”
The women whom she shared a bunk room with were a therapist, and the mother of Caroline (bookstore), who was pregnant and due any day. After hearing her story, they gently told her the same thing: You should really stay longer.
That was how Erika entered the work-scholar program. One month became two. Two became three.
“It changed my life,” she says. “I began to understand there was so much more to life, and the rational and logical person I thought I was, I had experiences I could not explain intellectually.”
She had the rare luck to be picked to work in the Garden immediately upon arrival. Working on the land was a blessing — and something ancient in her woke up.
“I had always been connected to nature. I grew up spending summers on a farm, playing in the woods, camping and outdoor sports — I was a “tomboy”. At thirty-one, this was my return to the Earth.”
The land worked on her quietly, as did the waters.
“The sacred hot springs… water heated by the fire at the center of the Earth, passing through layers of minerals before touching air for the first time to be healing for our body, mind, spirit and soul… It's a reminder of our time in the womb. I didn’t know that then, but I understand it now.”
It was while in Big Sur that Erika first encountered the Red Path with the Esselen, the original Indigenous tribe of the area, and a path rooted in ceremony, prayer, and relationship with the Earth.
“I sat in my very first sweat lodge there, and when I heard prayers for the Earth, the Moon, the Sun, and our ancestors, I knew: This is what I believe in.”
Soon after came her first vision quest with Little Bear Nason, chief of the Esselen tribe. “Three days and three nights. No food. No water. Alone on the mountain, praying for a vision for my life. This was what I needed for my life.”
“I was very fortunate to have begun my Red Path walk with Little Bear and the Esselen in the back country of Big Sur. Even though I left there after 18 months, 22 years later I am still connected with the Tribe, and it has been an honor to have several tribal members join my workshops and ceremonies.”
But before her departure, when she was deep in her initial Esalen arrival, she applied for, and was accepted into, the nine-month garden apprenticeship. After a brief solo journey through Central and South America, she returned to Big Sur and was chosen as an extended student (ES) to help run the farm & garden for one year.
“I lived in community and worked with the land. I had so many first time experiences, and tried meditation, aikido, tantra, Gestalt, 5Rhythms, juice fasting … I sat in talks and workshops, listening to Terence McKenna, Peter Levine, Laura Huxley, and so many more… Brother David was in residence, 4th of July with Baba Olatunji, Joan Baez singing in the dining lodge, I played on the softball team, I received bodywork: Feldenkrais, Rolfing and, of course, Esalen Massage…this was all a part of my healing and personal growth…did I mention staff week? There are so many incredible experiences and stories.”
“I had a kundalini awakening without even knowing what it was. It was extremely painful and I thought I was going to go crazy. Months went by, until I finally told someone, and they offered to call their friend — Stan Grof to work with me. I said no, I could take care of myself, and I didn’t know who he was. Can you imagine? Here I am in an intense spiritual awakening, and I said no to help from Stan Grof! Luckily, I got to work with Stan and experience holotropic breathwork several times later on. You have to remember, I knew nothing of this path before — I was really just driving down the highway on my way to L.A.”
In her final weeks at Esalen, everything in Erika’s life stopped again.
She was in a car accident, just five minutes up the road. The car nearly went over the cliff. Fortunately, no one else was injured.
“I broke my neck in the accident,” Erika says. “I wasn’t driving, or wearing my seatbelt. I went into the windshield, and bounced around as we flipped three times in the air. I was told we landed just before the edge of the cliff. I am officially in the West of Highway 1 Survivor Club.”
All of this and she was just thirty-three years old.
“In the beginning, I was angry, even though the neurosurgeon said I was extremely lucky, and that I was a hair away from being dead or completely paralyzed. I was grateful, but still angry.
Recovery was long and so was the reckoning.
“After many months, I understood that the accident was actually a gift. It was a difficult and painful experience that I wouldn’t wish on anyone, yet it was a giant wake-up call for me.”
“Eventually I realized how much healing I needed and how off-balance I really was. Up until Esalen, I was disconnected from my intuition and emotions. I thought I was invincible and fearless, pushing myself to the limit in order to feel. I had no boundaries, a people-pleaser, lack of self-care, self-love. This list of what needed healing was long.”
The accident, she says, completed what Esalen had begun.
“That was my dark night of the soul. Life, death and rebirth in Big Sur.”
People who encounter Erika today often ask her if she is a medicine woman or a shaman or a healer. She rejects these terms.
“A shaman is from specific Mongolian and Siberian lineages. Medicine woman is an extremely overused term these days,” she says. “And as a healer, I help others heal themselves.”
Erika has a multi-racial ancestry of French Canadian, Japanese, and a small amount of First Nations lineage. “Although I honor all the ancestors of my racial heritage, I do not identify as Native American. I was not raised in that culture. The only reason I can do what I do,” she says, “is because I have walked for 30 years, over half my life, on a Red Path, a medicine path with Indigenous elders from Mexico, California, Ecuador, and Peru. I am honored to have received their blessings to continue their traditions and ceremonies.”
Her default resistance surfaced again a few years later. This time it was in resistance to taking all of her healing and learning and cultivating it into a leadership role. In true Erika fashion, this pushback persisted and lasted for many years.
“I never wanted to be a medicine woman, I simply wanted to heal myself, and the wisdom and ceremonies allowed me to do that.”
When elders would ask when she would start leading ceremonies herself, she said no. “I was happy to assist them and others… I learned over the years that this path is like every other, I saw a lot of ego, money and power, and I didn’t want to be part of it.”
One elder finally told her, “That’s exactly why you have to be out there.”
Erika returned to Esalen decades later. This time, in service. “When Great Spirit has a path set out for you, you can only resist for so long.”
She now leads workshops and ceremonies on the land that once broke her open: water blessings, sound healing, liquid tobacco ceremonies, and wisdom sharing rooted in humility and reciprocity.
“Everyone is their own greatest healer, greatest doctor and greatest medicine,” she says.
She works in sacred reciprocity, Ayni, an Andean principle of giving and receiving. “I don’t want to become a commodity,” she explains, and this is the reason why she works by donation. When she is leading her roughly four workshops a year, she also always offers ceremonies for community and staff.
“I will be forever grateful to Esalen, and it is an honor to return in this way, to share wisdom and healing ceremonies with others, and to give back to a place that gave me so much.
“I am deeply grateful to this sacred land, and to the Esselen tribe, for they are the original people and guardians of this land… gratitude to the ancestors and spirits of this land, for the sacred waters, the trees, the plants, where the land meets the ocean, at the edge of the earth. This is a power spot. A sacred healing land where everyone will be moved, changed or challenged in some way. A land that truly changed the course of my life, and I would not be who I am without it.”
“Remembering to be as self compassionate as I can and praying to the divine that we're all a part of.”
–Aaron
“Prayer, reading, meditation, walking.”
–Karen
“Erratically — which is an ongoing stream of practice to find peace.”
–Charles
“Try on a daily basis to be kind to myself and to realize that making mistakes is a part of the human condition. Learning from our mistakes is a journey. But it starts with compassion and caring. First for oneself.”
–Steve
“Physically: aerobic exercise, volleyball, ice hockey, cycling, sailing. Emotionally: unfortunately I have to work to ‘not care’ about people or situations which may end painfully. Along the lines of ‘attachment is the source of suffering’, so best to avoid it or limit its scope. Sad though because it could also be the source of great joy. Is it worth the risk?“
–Rainer
“It's time for my heart to be nurtured on one level yet contained on another. To go easy on me and to allow my feelings to be validated, not judged harshly. On the other hand, to let the heart rule with equanimity and not lead the mind and body around like a master.”
–Suzanne
“I spend time thinking of everything I am grateful for, and I try to develop my ability to express compassion for myself and others without reservation. I take time to do the things I need to do to keep myself healthy and happy. This includes taking experiential workshops, fostering relationships, and participating within groups which have a similar interest to become a more compassionate and fulfilled being.“
–Peter
“Self-forgiveness for my own judgments. And oh yeah, coming to Esalen.”
–David B.
“Hmm, this is a tough one! I guess I take care of my heart through fostering relationships with people I feel connected to. Spending quality time with them (whether we're on the phone, through messages/letters, on Zoom, or in-person). Being there for them, listening to them, sharing what's going on with me, my struggles and my successes... like we do in the Esalen weekly Friends of Esalen Zoom sessions!”
–Lori
“I remind myself in many ways of the fact that " Love is all there is!" LOVE is the prize and this one precious life is the stage we get to learn our lessons. I get out into nature, hike, camp, river kayak, fly fish, garden, I create, I dance (not enough!), and I remain grateful for each day, each breath, each moment. Being in the moment, awake, and remembering the gift of life and my feeling of gratitude for all of creation.”
–Steven
“My physical heart by limiting stress and eating a heart-healthy diet. My emotional heart by staying in love with the world and by knowing that all disappointment and loss will pass.“
–David Z.
Today, September 29, is World Heart Day. Strike up a conversation with your own heart and as you feel comfortable, encourage others to do the same. As part of our own transformations and self-care, we sometimes ask for others to illuminate and enliven our hearts or speak our love language.
What if we could do this for ourselves too, even if just for today… or to start a heart practice, forever?
Erika Gagnon did not arrive at Esalen with a plan. It was the early 1990s and she was driving down Highway 1, headed for Los Angeles, enmeshed in what she describes as “a very difficult and painful moment in my life.” Erika was thirty-one years old, solo, and running away from the pain. She had no spiritual framework, no belief in energies or healing, and no idea that the road ahead was about to end her old life entirely.
“I was literally driving down the highway,” she says. “I saw the Esalen sign and wondered what kind of place is this? What really challenged me was the ‘by reservation only’ on the sign. I remember thinking, I don't have any reservations written or otherwise, and I’m coming in.”
Erika turned right and drove down the hill.
At the gate, she was turned away but handed a printed catalog. She got back on Highway 1, continued south a few more miles to Lucia, where she stopped for a bite, only to lock her keys in the car.
AAA told her it would be hours. Nothing to do. Nowhere to go. Being that it was decades before smartphone ubiquity and wifi, all she could do was wait. Reluctantly, she opened the catalog.
“I didn’t believe in energy. I didn’t believe in spirits. Nothing woo-woo. I was very logical and rational, but, I thought, well, I've been on the road alone for months, cheap motels, fast food, I could share a bunk room and be with others, people to talk to, healthy food, hot springs, and the ocean. I can rest a bit before I get to L.A.”
What followed when she called, was a series of roadblocks. There were no rooms available, no late entry into workshops. Finally, almost in resignation, Erika chose a program called “Healing the Child Within.”
“If I don’t like it,” she told herself, “I just won’t go to the class.”
But the universe and Esalen had other plans.
Erika arrived self-reliant to a fault. Someone who did everything and asked for nothing.
“I was very independent,” she says. “I would never ask anyone for help, because I didn’t want to bother them or be disappointed if the help didn’t come.
The workshop opened a crack in her protective shell.
“I got triggered. Things started moving inside me. I realized I needed more healing”
The women whom she shared a bunk room with were a therapist, and the mother of Caroline (bookstore), who was pregnant and due any day. After hearing her story, they gently told her the same thing: You should really stay longer.
That was how Erika entered the work-scholar program. One month became two. Two became three.
“It changed my life,” she says. “I began to understand there was so much more to life, and the rational and logical person I thought I was, I had experiences I could not explain intellectually.”
She had the rare luck to be picked to work in the Garden immediately upon arrival. Working on the land was a blessing — and something ancient in her woke up.
“I had always been connected to nature. I grew up spending summers on a farm, playing in the woods, camping and outdoor sports — I was a “tomboy”. At thirty-one, this was my return to the Earth.”
The land worked on her quietly, as did the waters.
“The sacred hot springs… water heated by the fire at the center of the Earth, passing through layers of minerals before touching air for the first time to be healing for our body, mind, spirit and soul… It's a reminder of our time in the womb. I didn’t know that then, but I understand it now.”
It was while in Big Sur that Erika first encountered the Red Path with the Esselen, the original Indigenous tribe of the area, and a path rooted in ceremony, prayer, and relationship with the Earth.
“I sat in my very first sweat lodge there, and when I heard prayers for the Earth, the Moon, the Sun, and our ancestors, I knew: This is what I believe in.”
Soon after came her first vision quest with Little Bear Nason, chief of the Esselen tribe. “Three days and three nights. No food. No water. Alone on the mountain, praying for a vision for my life. This was what I needed for my life.”
“I was very fortunate to have begun my Red Path walk with Little Bear and the Esselen in the back country of Big Sur. Even though I left there after 18 months, 22 years later I am still connected with the Tribe, and it has been an honor to have several tribal members join my workshops and ceremonies.”
But before her departure, when she was deep in her initial Esalen arrival, she applied for, and was accepted into, the nine-month garden apprenticeship. After a brief solo journey through Central and South America, she returned to Big Sur and was chosen as an extended student (ES) to help run the farm & garden for one year.
“I lived in community and worked with the land. I had so many first time experiences, and tried meditation, aikido, tantra, Gestalt, 5Rhythms, juice fasting … I sat in talks and workshops, listening to Terence McKenna, Peter Levine, Laura Huxley, and so many more… Brother David was in residence, 4th of July with Baba Olatunji, Joan Baez singing in the dining lodge, I played on the softball team, I received bodywork: Feldenkrais, Rolfing and, of course, Esalen Massage…this was all a part of my healing and personal growth…did I mention staff week? There are so many incredible experiences and stories.”
“I had a kundalini awakening without even knowing what it was. It was extremely painful and I thought I was going to go crazy. Months went by, until I finally told someone, and they offered to call their friend — Stan Grof to work with me. I said no, I could take care of myself, and I didn’t know who he was. Can you imagine? Here I am in an intense spiritual awakening, and I said no to help from Stan Grof! Luckily, I got to work with Stan and experience holotropic breathwork several times later on. You have to remember, I knew nothing of this path before — I was really just driving down the highway on my way to L.A.”
In her final weeks at Esalen, everything in Erika’s life stopped again.
She was in a car accident, just five minutes up the road. The car nearly went over the cliff. Fortunately, no one else was injured.
“I broke my neck in the accident,” Erika says. “I wasn’t driving, or wearing my seatbelt. I went into the windshield, and bounced around as we flipped three times in the air. I was told we landed just before the edge of the cliff. I am officially in the West of Highway 1 Survivor Club.”
All of this and she was just thirty-three years old.
“In the beginning, I was angry, even though the neurosurgeon said I was extremely lucky, and that I was a hair away from being dead or completely paralyzed. I was grateful, but still angry.
Recovery was long and so was the reckoning.
“After many months, I understood that the accident was actually a gift. It was a difficult and painful experience that I wouldn’t wish on anyone, yet it was a giant wake-up call for me.”
“Eventually I realized how much healing I needed and how off-balance I really was. Up until Esalen, I was disconnected from my intuition and emotions. I thought I was invincible and fearless, pushing myself to the limit in order to feel. I had no boundaries, a people-pleaser, lack of self-care, self-love. This list of what needed healing was long.”
The accident, she says, completed what Esalen had begun.
“That was my dark night of the soul. Life, death and rebirth in Big Sur.”
People who encounter Erika today often ask her if she is a medicine woman or a shaman or a healer. She rejects these terms.
“A shaman is from specific Mongolian and Siberian lineages. Medicine woman is an extremely overused term these days,” she says. “And as a healer, I help others heal themselves.”
Erika has a multi-racial ancestry of French Canadian, Japanese, and a small amount of First Nations lineage. “Although I honor all the ancestors of my racial heritage, I do not identify as Native American. I was not raised in that culture. The only reason I can do what I do,” she says, “is because I have walked for 30 years, over half my life, on a Red Path, a medicine path with Indigenous elders from Mexico, California, Ecuador, and Peru. I am honored to have received their blessings to continue their traditions and ceremonies.”
Her default resistance surfaced again a few years later. This time it was in resistance to taking all of her healing and learning and cultivating it into a leadership role. In true Erika fashion, this pushback persisted and lasted for many years.
“I never wanted to be a medicine woman, I simply wanted to heal myself, and the wisdom and ceremonies allowed me to do that.”
When elders would ask when she would start leading ceremonies herself, she said no. “I was happy to assist them and others… I learned over the years that this path is like every other, I saw a lot of ego, money and power, and I didn’t want to be part of it.”
One elder finally told her, “That’s exactly why you have to be out there.”
Erika returned to Esalen decades later. This time, in service. “When Great Spirit has a path set out for you, you can only resist for so long.”
She now leads workshops and ceremonies on the land that once broke her open: water blessings, sound healing, liquid tobacco ceremonies, and wisdom sharing rooted in humility and reciprocity.
“Everyone is their own greatest healer, greatest doctor and greatest medicine,” she says.
She works in sacred reciprocity, Ayni, an Andean principle of giving and receiving. “I don’t want to become a commodity,” she explains, and this is the reason why she works by donation. When she is leading her roughly four workshops a year, she also always offers ceremonies for community and staff.
“I will be forever grateful to Esalen, and it is an honor to return in this way, to share wisdom and healing ceremonies with others, and to give back to a place that gave me so much.
“I am deeply grateful to this sacred land, and to the Esselen tribe, for they are the original people and guardians of this land… gratitude to the ancestors and spirits of this land, for the sacred waters, the trees, the plants, where the land meets the ocean, at the edge of the earth. This is a power spot. A sacred healing land where everyone will be moved, changed or challenged in some way. A land that truly changed the course of my life, and I would not be who I am without it.”
“Remembering to be as self compassionate as I can and praying to the divine that we're all a part of.”
–Aaron
“Prayer, reading, meditation, walking.”
–Karen
“Erratically — which is an ongoing stream of practice to find peace.”
–Charles
“Try on a daily basis to be kind to myself and to realize that making mistakes is a part of the human condition. Learning from our mistakes is a journey. But it starts with compassion and caring. First for oneself.”
–Steve
“Physically: aerobic exercise, volleyball, ice hockey, cycling, sailing. Emotionally: unfortunately I have to work to ‘not care’ about people or situations which may end painfully. Along the lines of ‘attachment is the source of suffering’, so best to avoid it or limit its scope. Sad though because it could also be the source of great joy. Is it worth the risk?“
–Rainer
“It's time for my heart to be nurtured on one level yet contained on another. To go easy on me and to allow my feelings to be validated, not judged harshly. On the other hand, to let the heart rule with equanimity and not lead the mind and body around like a master.”
–Suzanne
“I spend time thinking of everything I am grateful for, and I try to develop my ability to express compassion for myself and others without reservation. I take time to do the things I need to do to keep myself healthy and happy. This includes taking experiential workshops, fostering relationships, and participating within groups which have a similar interest to become a more compassionate and fulfilled being.“
–Peter
“Self-forgiveness for my own judgments. And oh yeah, coming to Esalen.”
–David B.
“Hmm, this is a tough one! I guess I take care of my heart through fostering relationships with people I feel connected to. Spending quality time with them (whether we're on the phone, through messages/letters, on Zoom, or in-person). Being there for them, listening to them, sharing what's going on with me, my struggles and my successes... like we do in the Esalen weekly Friends of Esalen Zoom sessions!”
–Lori
“I remind myself in many ways of the fact that " Love is all there is!" LOVE is the prize and this one precious life is the stage we get to learn our lessons. I get out into nature, hike, camp, river kayak, fly fish, garden, I create, I dance (not enough!), and I remain grateful for each day, each breath, each moment. Being in the moment, awake, and remembering the gift of life and my feeling of gratitude for all of creation.”
–Steven
“My physical heart by limiting stress and eating a heart-healthy diet. My emotional heart by staying in love with the world and by knowing that all disappointment and loss will pass.“
–David Z.
Today, September 29, is World Heart Day. Strike up a conversation with your own heart and as you feel comfortable, encourage others to do the same. As part of our own transformations and self-care, we sometimes ask for others to illuminate and enliven our hearts or speak our love language.
What if we could do this for ourselves too, even if just for today… or to start a heart practice, forever?
Erika Gagnon did not arrive at Esalen with a plan. It was the early 1990s and she was driving down Highway 1, headed for Los Angeles, enmeshed in what she describes as “a very difficult and painful moment in my life.” Erika was thirty-one years old, solo, and running away from the pain. She had no spiritual framework, no belief in energies or healing, and no idea that the road ahead was about to end her old life entirely.
“I was literally driving down the highway,” she says. “I saw the Esalen sign and wondered what kind of place is this? What really challenged me was the ‘by reservation only’ on the sign. I remember thinking, I don't have any reservations written or otherwise, and I’m coming in.”
Erika turned right and drove down the hill.
At the gate, she was turned away but handed a printed catalog. She got back on Highway 1, continued south a few more miles to Lucia, where she stopped for a bite, only to lock her keys in the car.
AAA told her it would be hours. Nothing to do. Nowhere to go. Being that it was decades before smartphone ubiquity and wifi, all she could do was wait. Reluctantly, she opened the catalog.
“I didn’t believe in energy. I didn’t believe in spirits. Nothing woo-woo. I was very logical and rational, but, I thought, well, I've been on the road alone for months, cheap motels, fast food, I could share a bunk room and be with others, people to talk to, healthy food, hot springs, and the ocean. I can rest a bit before I get to L.A.”
What followed when she called, was a series of roadblocks. There were no rooms available, no late entry into workshops. Finally, almost in resignation, Erika chose a program called “Healing the Child Within.”
“If I don’t like it,” she told herself, “I just won’t go to the class.”
But the universe and Esalen had other plans.
Erika arrived self-reliant to a fault. Someone who did everything and asked for nothing.
“I was very independent,” she says. “I would never ask anyone for help, because I didn’t want to bother them or be disappointed if the help didn’t come.
The workshop opened a crack in her protective shell.
“I got triggered. Things started moving inside me. I realized I needed more healing”
The women whom she shared a bunk room with were a therapist, and the mother of Caroline (bookstore), who was pregnant and due any day. After hearing her story, they gently told her the same thing: You should really stay longer.
That was how Erika entered the work-scholar program. One month became two. Two became three.
“It changed my life,” she says. “I began to understand there was so much more to life, and the rational and logical person I thought I was, I had experiences I could not explain intellectually.”
She had the rare luck to be picked to work in the Garden immediately upon arrival. Working on the land was a blessing — and something ancient in her woke up.
“I had always been connected to nature. I grew up spending summers on a farm, playing in the woods, camping and outdoor sports — I was a “tomboy”. At thirty-one, this was my return to the Earth.”
The land worked on her quietly, as did the waters.
“The sacred hot springs… water heated by the fire at the center of the Earth, passing through layers of minerals before touching air for the first time to be healing for our body, mind, spirit and soul… It's a reminder of our time in the womb. I didn’t know that then, but I understand it now.”
It was while in Big Sur that Erika first encountered the Red Path with the Esselen, the original Indigenous tribe of the area, and a path rooted in ceremony, prayer, and relationship with the Earth.
“I sat in my very first sweat lodge there, and when I heard prayers for the Earth, the Moon, the Sun, and our ancestors, I knew: This is what I believe in.”
Soon after came her first vision quest with Little Bear Nason, chief of the Esselen tribe. “Three days and three nights. No food. No water. Alone on the mountain, praying for a vision for my life. This was what I needed for my life.”
“I was very fortunate to have begun my Red Path walk with Little Bear and the Esselen in the back country of Big Sur. Even though I left there after 18 months, 22 years later I am still connected with the Tribe, and it has been an honor to have several tribal members join my workshops and ceremonies.”
But before her departure, when she was deep in her initial Esalen arrival, she applied for, and was accepted into, the nine-month garden apprenticeship. After a brief solo journey through Central and South America, she returned to Big Sur and was chosen as an extended student (ES) to help run the farm & garden for one year.
“I lived in community and worked with the land. I had so many first time experiences, and tried meditation, aikido, tantra, Gestalt, 5Rhythms, juice fasting … I sat in talks and workshops, listening to Terence McKenna, Peter Levine, Laura Huxley, and so many more… Brother David was in residence, 4th of July with Baba Olatunji, Joan Baez singing in the dining lodge, I played on the softball team, I received bodywork: Feldenkrais, Rolfing and, of course, Esalen Massage…this was all a part of my healing and personal growth…did I mention staff week? There are so many incredible experiences and stories.”
“I had a kundalini awakening without even knowing what it was. It was extremely painful and I thought I was going to go crazy. Months went by, until I finally told someone, and they offered to call their friend — Stan Grof to work with me. I said no, I could take care of myself, and I didn’t know who he was. Can you imagine? Here I am in an intense spiritual awakening, and I said no to help from Stan Grof! Luckily, I got to work with Stan and experience holotropic breathwork several times later on. You have to remember, I knew nothing of this path before — I was really just driving down the highway on my way to L.A.”
In her final weeks at Esalen, everything in Erika’s life stopped again.
She was in a car accident, just five minutes up the road. The car nearly went over the cliff. Fortunately, no one else was injured.
“I broke my neck in the accident,” Erika says. “I wasn’t driving, or wearing my seatbelt. I went into the windshield, and bounced around as we flipped three times in the air. I was told we landed just before the edge of the cliff. I am officially in the West of Highway 1 Survivor Club.”
All of this and she was just thirty-three years old.
“In the beginning, I was angry, even though the neurosurgeon said I was extremely lucky, and that I was a hair away from being dead or completely paralyzed. I was grateful, but still angry.
Recovery was long and so was the reckoning.
“After many months, I understood that the accident was actually a gift. It was a difficult and painful experience that I wouldn’t wish on anyone, yet it was a giant wake-up call for me.”
“Eventually I realized how much healing I needed and how off-balance I really was. Up until Esalen, I was disconnected from my intuition and emotions. I thought I was invincible and fearless, pushing myself to the limit in order to feel. I had no boundaries, a people-pleaser, lack of self-care, self-love. This list of what needed healing was long.”
The accident, she says, completed what Esalen had begun.
“That was my dark night of the soul. Life, death and rebirth in Big Sur.”
People who encounter Erika today often ask her if she is a medicine woman or a shaman or a healer. She rejects these terms.
“A shaman is from specific Mongolian and Siberian lineages. Medicine woman is an extremely overused term these days,” she says. “And as a healer, I help others heal themselves.”
Erika has a multi-racial ancestry of French Canadian, Japanese, and a small amount of First Nations lineage. “Although I honor all the ancestors of my racial heritage, I do not identify as Native American. I was not raised in that culture. The only reason I can do what I do,” she says, “is because I have walked for 30 years, over half my life, on a Red Path, a medicine path with Indigenous elders from Mexico, California, Ecuador, and Peru. I am honored to have received their blessings to continue their traditions and ceremonies.”
Her default resistance surfaced again a few years later. This time it was in resistance to taking all of her healing and learning and cultivating it into a leadership role. In true Erika fashion, this pushback persisted and lasted for many years.
“I never wanted to be a medicine woman, I simply wanted to heal myself, and the wisdom and ceremonies allowed me to do that.”
When elders would ask when she would start leading ceremonies herself, she said no. “I was happy to assist them and others… I learned over the years that this path is like every other, I saw a lot of ego, money and power, and I didn’t want to be part of it.”
One elder finally told her, “That’s exactly why you have to be out there.”
Erika returned to Esalen decades later. This time, in service. “When Great Spirit has a path set out for you, you can only resist for so long.”
She now leads workshops and ceremonies on the land that once broke her open: water blessings, sound healing, liquid tobacco ceremonies, and wisdom sharing rooted in humility and reciprocity.
“Everyone is their own greatest healer, greatest doctor and greatest medicine,” she says.
She works in sacred reciprocity, Ayni, an Andean principle of giving and receiving. “I don’t want to become a commodity,” she explains, and this is the reason why she works by donation. When she is leading her roughly four workshops a year, she also always offers ceremonies for community and staff.
“I will be forever grateful to Esalen, and it is an honor to return in this way, to share wisdom and healing ceremonies with others, and to give back to a place that gave me so much.
“I am deeply grateful to this sacred land, and to the Esselen tribe, for they are the original people and guardians of this land… gratitude to the ancestors and spirits of this land, for the sacred waters, the trees, the plants, where the land meets the ocean, at the edge of the earth. This is a power spot. A sacred healing land where everyone will be moved, changed or challenged in some way. A land that truly changed the course of my life, and I would not be who I am without it.”
“Remembering to be as self compassionate as I can and praying to the divine that we're all a part of.”
–Aaron
“Prayer, reading, meditation, walking.”
–Karen
“Erratically — which is an ongoing stream of practice to find peace.”
–Charles
“Try on a daily basis to be kind to myself and to realize that making mistakes is a part of the human condition. Learning from our mistakes is a journey. But it starts with compassion and caring. First for oneself.”
–Steve
“Physically: aerobic exercise, volleyball, ice hockey, cycling, sailing. Emotionally: unfortunately I have to work to ‘not care’ about people or situations which may end painfully. Along the lines of ‘attachment is the source of suffering’, so best to avoid it or limit its scope. Sad though because it could also be the source of great joy. Is it worth the risk?“
–Rainer
“It's time for my heart to be nurtured on one level yet contained on another. To go easy on me and to allow my feelings to be validated, not judged harshly. On the other hand, to let the heart rule with equanimity and not lead the mind and body around like a master.”
–Suzanne
“I spend time thinking of everything I am grateful for, and I try to develop my ability to express compassion for myself and others without reservation. I take time to do the things I need to do to keep myself healthy and happy. This includes taking experiential workshops, fostering relationships, and participating within groups which have a similar interest to become a more compassionate and fulfilled being.“
–Peter
“Self-forgiveness for my own judgments. And oh yeah, coming to Esalen.”
–David B.
“Hmm, this is a tough one! I guess I take care of my heart through fostering relationships with people I feel connected to. Spending quality time with them (whether we're on the phone, through messages/letters, on Zoom, or in-person). Being there for them, listening to them, sharing what's going on with me, my struggles and my successes... like we do in the Esalen weekly Friends of Esalen Zoom sessions!”
–Lori
“I remind myself in many ways of the fact that " Love is all there is!" LOVE is the prize and this one precious life is the stage we get to learn our lessons. I get out into nature, hike, camp, river kayak, fly fish, garden, I create, I dance (not enough!), and I remain grateful for each day, each breath, each moment. Being in the moment, awake, and remembering the gift of life and my feeling of gratitude for all of creation.”
–Steven
“My physical heart by limiting stress and eating a heart-healthy diet. My emotional heart by staying in love with the world and by knowing that all disappointment and loss will pass.“
–David Z.
Today, September 29, is World Heart Day. Strike up a conversation with your own heart and as you feel comfortable, encourage others to do the same. As part of our own transformations and self-care, we sometimes ask for others to illuminate and enliven our hearts or speak our love language.
What if we could do this for ourselves too, even if just for today… or to start a heart practice, forever?
Esalen Institute
55000 Highway 1
Big Sur, CA 93920
US: 1-831-667-3000
info@esalen.org
