Tell me more.
Three words. Just three — and they can change everything.
After nine years, I returned to Esalen to co-lead a workshop with my Palestinian Muslim colleague, Jawdat: Healing Across Divides. Divides are everywhere — between cultures, faiths, neighbors, even within families. Too often, conversations across them never happen. We assume they’re useless. We fear that honesty will ignite an argument we cannot contain. So we stay silent. This happens in the United States, in Israel, and across the world.
Twenty-five people joined us. Near the end, I shared a story from a year ago. I had walked into my health clinic and overheard the secretary speaking loudly to the manager, saying terrible things about the people of Gaza. For a moment, I wanted to turn away — to ignore it, to escape the weight of so much hatred. I even started to walk off.
But then I turned inward and noticed the frightened part of me that still believed I was six years old and too small to handle such conversations. I gently told this part: I see you and I understand why you’re scared. But I am older now. I am stronger. Strong emotions don’t overwhelm me the way they once did. In fact, sometimes I am able to step in and help create healing.
With that, I turned back. I walked up to the secretary, looked into her eyes, and asked softly:
“Would you please tell me more about why you feel that way about Gaza and the people there?”
She began to share her anguish. all she had witnessed and was still going through with her family. We both cried. And slowly, I watched her heart begin to open - first to the pain of the Arab Palestinian she works with, and later to Palestinians living in Israel. I saw her transform before my eyes, simply because I listened.
The group found this tool — just three words — deeply powerful. Tell me more.
At the close of the workshop, a woman from a country bordering Israel who had left her home eight years earlier to live in the USA spoke up:
“To tell you the truth, I am tired of hearing about October 7th. It feels like everyone only cares about Jewish pain, but no one cares about ours. We have suffered so much more. Why is no one talking about what happened to us in 1948?”
A part of me wanted to respond with all the history and perspectives I’ve absorbed over the past two years, not from the safety of being abroad, but while living under bombs, in the midst of a terrible war, trying to make sense of what was happening. But I also know this: when someone is overcome by pain, they cannot take in facts. First, they need to feel seen.
So I looked at her, then at the group, and said:
“You are right. And this is exactly what I mean. No one should be asked to hold the pain of others while their own pain is still unacknowledged.”
So often, we rush to defend, argue, or correct. But sometimes the most powerful thing we can do is pause, listen, and say: Tell me more.
Those three words can turn confrontation into connection, and create a space where healing begins — for the other person, and for ourselves.
“Remembering to be as self compassionate as I can and praying to the divine that we're all a part of.”
–Aaron
“Prayer, reading, meditation, walking.”
–Karen
“Erratically — which is an ongoing stream of practice to find peace.”
–Charles
“Try on a daily basis to be kind to myself and to realize that making mistakes is a part of the human condition. Learning from our mistakes is a journey. But it starts with compassion and caring. First for oneself.”
–Steve
“Physically: aerobic exercise, volleyball, ice hockey, cycling, sailing. Emotionally: unfortunately I have to work to ‘not care’ about people or situations which may end painfully. Along the lines of ‘attachment is the source of suffering’, so best to avoid it or limit its scope. Sad though because it could also be the source of great joy. Is it worth the risk?“
–Rainer
“It's time for my heart to be nurtured on one level yet contained on another. To go easy on me and to allow my feelings to be validated, not judged harshly. On the other hand, to let the heart rule with equanimity and not lead the mind and body around like a master.”
–Suzanne
“I spend time thinking of everything I am grateful for, and I try to develop my ability to express compassion for myself and others without reservation. I take time to do the things I need to do to keep myself healthy and happy. This includes taking experiential workshops, fostering relationships, and participating within groups which have a similar interest to become a more compassionate and fulfilled being.“
–Peter
“Self-forgiveness for my own judgments. And oh yeah, coming to Esalen.”
–David B.
“Hmm, this is a tough one! I guess I take care of my heart through fostering relationships with people I feel connected to. Spending quality time with them (whether we're on the phone, through messages/letters, on Zoom, or in-person). Being there for them, listening to them, sharing what's going on with me, my struggles and my successes... like we do in the Esalen weekly Friends of Esalen Zoom sessions!”
–Lori
“I remind myself in many ways of the fact that " Love is all there is!" LOVE is the prize and this one precious life is the stage we get to learn our lessons. I get out into nature, hike, camp, river kayak, fly fish, garden, I create, I dance (not enough!), and I remain grateful for each day, each breath, each moment. Being in the moment, awake, and remembering the gift of life and my feeling of gratitude for all of creation.”
–Steven
“My physical heart by limiting stress and eating a heart-healthy diet. My emotional heart by staying in love with the world and by knowing that all disappointment and loss will pass.“
–David Z.
Today, September 29, is World Heart Day. Strike up a conversation with your own heart and as you feel comfortable, encourage others to do the same. As part of our own transformations and self-care, we sometimes ask for others to illuminate and enliven our hearts or speak our love language.
What if we could do this for ourselves too, even if just for today… or to start a heart practice, forever?
Photo: Q Stern Photography
Nitsan is the director of Together Beyond Words (TBW) and is trained and experienced in dance/movement therapy, healing touch, multi-level listening techniques, Radical Aliveness and Internal Family System (IFS) — all of which contribute to the Together Beyond Words peacebuilding work. She leads courses and workshops focused on understanding and healing prejudice, the everyday application of IFS and the TBW approach for peacebuilding.
Tell me more.
Three words. Just three — and they can change everything.
After nine years, I returned to Esalen to co-lead a workshop with my Palestinian Muslim colleague, Jawdat: Healing Across Divides. Divides are everywhere — between cultures, faiths, neighbors, even within families. Too often, conversations across them never happen. We assume they’re useless. We fear that honesty will ignite an argument we cannot contain. So we stay silent. This happens in the United States, in Israel, and across the world.
Twenty-five people joined us. Near the end, I shared a story from a year ago. I had walked into my health clinic and overheard the secretary speaking loudly to the manager, saying terrible things about the people of Gaza. For a moment, I wanted to turn away — to ignore it, to escape the weight of so much hatred. I even started to walk off.
But then I turned inward and noticed the frightened part of me that still believed I was six years old and too small to handle such conversations. I gently told this part: I see you and I understand why you’re scared. But I am older now. I am stronger. Strong emotions don’t overwhelm me the way they once did. In fact, sometimes I am able to step in and help create healing.
With that, I turned back. I walked up to the secretary, looked into her eyes, and asked softly:
“Would you please tell me more about why you feel that way about Gaza and the people there?”
She began to share her anguish. all she had witnessed and was still going through with her family. We both cried. And slowly, I watched her heart begin to open - first to the pain of the Arab Palestinian she works with, and later to Palestinians living in Israel. I saw her transform before my eyes, simply because I listened.
The group found this tool — just three words — deeply powerful. Tell me more.
At the close of the workshop, a woman from a country bordering Israel who had left her home eight years earlier to live in the USA spoke up:
“To tell you the truth, I am tired of hearing about October 7th. It feels like everyone only cares about Jewish pain, but no one cares about ours. We have suffered so much more. Why is no one talking about what happened to us in 1948?”
A part of me wanted to respond with all the history and perspectives I’ve absorbed over the past two years, not from the safety of being abroad, but while living under bombs, in the midst of a terrible war, trying to make sense of what was happening. But I also know this: when someone is overcome by pain, they cannot take in facts. First, they need to feel seen.
So I looked at her, then at the group, and said:
“You are right. And this is exactly what I mean. No one should be asked to hold the pain of others while their own pain is still unacknowledged.”
So often, we rush to defend, argue, or correct. But sometimes the most powerful thing we can do is pause, listen, and say: Tell me more.
Those three words can turn confrontation into connection, and create a space where healing begins — for the other person, and for ourselves.
Photo: Q Stern Photography
“Remembering to be as self compassionate as I can and praying to the divine that we're all a part of.”
–Aaron
“Prayer, reading, meditation, walking.”
–Karen
“Erratically — which is an ongoing stream of practice to find peace.”
–Charles
“Try on a daily basis to be kind to myself and to realize that making mistakes is a part of the human condition. Learning from our mistakes is a journey. But it starts with compassion and caring. First for oneself.”
–Steve
“Physically: aerobic exercise, volleyball, ice hockey, cycling, sailing. Emotionally: unfortunately I have to work to ‘not care’ about people or situations which may end painfully. Along the lines of ‘attachment is the source of suffering’, so best to avoid it or limit its scope. Sad though because it could also be the source of great joy. Is it worth the risk?“
–Rainer
“It's time for my heart to be nurtured on one level yet contained on another. To go easy on me and to allow my feelings to be validated, not judged harshly. On the other hand, to let the heart rule with equanimity and not lead the mind and body around like a master.”
–Suzanne
“I spend time thinking of everything I am grateful for, and I try to develop my ability to express compassion for myself and others without reservation. I take time to do the things I need to do to keep myself healthy and happy. This includes taking experiential workshops, fostering relationships, and participating within groups which have a similar interest to become a more compassionate and fulfilled being.“
–Peter
“Self-forgiveness for my own judgments. And oh yeah, coming to Esalen.”
–David B.
“Hmm, this is a tough one! I guess I take care of my heart through fostering relationships with people I feel connected to. Spending quality time with them (whether we're on the phone, through messages/letters, on Zoom, or in-person). Being there for them, listening to them, sharing what's going on with me, my struggles and my successes... like we do in the Esalen weekly Friends of Esalen Zoom sessions!”
–Lori
“I remind myself in many ways of the fact that " Love is all there is!" LOVE is the prize and this one precious life is the stage we get to learn our lessons. I get out into nature, hike, camp, river kayak, fly fish, garden, I create, I dance (not enough!), and I remain grateful for each day, each breath, each moment. Being in the moment, awake, and remembering the gift of life and my feeling of gratitude for all of creation.”
–Steven
“My physical heart by limiting stress and eating a heart-healthy diet. My emotional heart by staying in love with the world and by knowing that all disappointment and loss will pass.“
–David Z.
Today, September 29, is World Heart Day. Strike up a conversation with your own heart and as you feel comfortable, encourage others to do the same. As part of our own transformations and self-care, we sometimes ask for others to illuminate and enliven our hearts or speak our love language.
What if we could do this for ourselves too, even if just for today… or to start a heart practice, forever?
Nitsan is the director of Together Beyond Words (TBW) and is trained and experienced in dance/movement therapy, healing touch, multi-level listening techniques, Radical Aliveness and Internal Family System (IFS) — all of which contribute to the Together Beyond Words peacebuilding work. She leads courses and workshops focused on understanding and healing prejudice, the everyday application of IFS and the TBW approach for peacebuilding.
Tell me more.
Three words. Just three — and they can change everything.
After nine years, I returned to Esalen to co-lead a workshop with my Palestinian Muslim colleague, Jawdat: Healing Across Divides. Divides are everywhere — between cultures, faiths, neighbors, even within families. Too often, conversations across them never happen. We assume they’re useless. We fear that honesty will ignite an argument we cannot contain. So we stay silent. This happens in the United States, in Israel, and across the world.
Twenty-five people joined us. Near the end, I shared a story from a year ago. I had walked into my health clinic and overheard the secretary speaking loudly to the manager, saying terrible things about the people of Gaza. For a moment, I wanted to turn away — to ignore it, to escape the weight of so much hatred. I even started to walk off.
But then I turned inward and noticed the frightened part of me that still believed I was six years old and too small to handle such conversations. I gently told this part: I see you and I understand why you’re scared. But I am older now. I am stronger. Strong emotions don’t overwhelm me the way they once did. In fact, sometimes I am able to step in and help create healing.
With that, I turned back. I walked up to the secretary, looked into her eyes, and asked softly:
“Would you please tell me more about why you feel that way about Gaza and the people there?”
She began to share her anguish. all she had witnessed and was still going through with her family. We both cried. And slowly, I watched her heart begin to open - first to the pain of the Arab Palestinian she works with, and later to Palestinians living in Israel. I saw her transform before my eyes, simply because I listened.
The group found this tool — just three words — deeply powerful. Tell me more.
At the close of the workshop, a woman from a country bordering Israel who had left her home eight years earlier to live in the USA spoke up:
“To tell you the truth, I am tired of hearing about October 7th. It feels like everyone only cares about Jewish pain, but no one cares about ours. We have suffered so much more. Why is no one talking about what happened to us in 1948?”
A part of me wanted to respond with all the history and perspectives I’ve absorbed over the past two years, not from the safety of being abroad, but while living under bombs, in the midst of a terrible war, trying to make sense of what was happening. But I also know this: when someone is overcome by pain, they cannot take in facts. First, they need to feel seen.
So I looked at her, then at the group, and said:
“You are right. And this is exactly what I mean. No one should be asked to hold the pain of others while their own pain is still unacknowledged.”
So often, we rush to defend, argue, or correct. But sometimes the most powerful thing we can do is pause, listen, and say: Tell me more.
Those three words can turn confrontation into connection, and create a space where healing begins — for the other person, and for ourselves.
“Remembering to be as self compassionate as I can and praying to the divine that we're all a part of.”
–Aaron
“Prayer, reading, meditation, walking.”
–Karen
“Erratically — which is an ongoing stream of practice to find peace.”
–Charles
“Try on a daily basis to be kind to myself and to realize that making mistakes is a part of the human condition. Learning from our mistakes is a journey. But it starts with compassion and caring. First for oneself.”
–Steve
“Physically: aerobic exercise, volleyball, ice hockey, cycling, sailing. Emotionally: unfortunately I have to work to ‘not care’ about people or situations which may end painfully. Along the lines of ‘attachment is the source of suffering’, so best to avoid it or limit its scope. Sad though because it could also be the source of great joy. Is it worth the risk?“
–Rainer
“It's time for my heart to be nurtured on one level yet contained on another. To go easy on me and to allow my feelings to be validated, not judged harshly. On the other hand, to let the heart rule with equanimity and not lead the mind and body around like a master.”
–Suzanne
“I spend time thinking of everything I am grateful for, and I try to develop my ability to express compassion for myself and others without reservation. I take time to do the things I need to do to keep myself healthy and happy. This includes taking experiential workshops, fostering relationships, and participating within groups which have a similar interest to become a more compassionate and fulfilled being.“
–Peter
“Self-forgiveness for my own judgments. And oh yeah, coming to Esalen.”
–David B.
“Hmm, this is a tough one! I guess I take care of my heart through fostering relationships with people I feel connected to. Spending quality time with them (whether we're on the phone, through messages/letters, on Zoom, or in-person). Being there for them, listening to them, sharing what's going on with me, my struggles and my successes... like we do in the Esalen weekly Friends of Esalen Zoom sessions!”
–Lori
“I remind myself in many ways of the fact that " Love is all there is!" LOVE is the prize and this one precious life is the stage we get to learn our lessons. I get out into nature, hike, camp, river kayak, fly fish, garden, I create, I dance (not enough!), and I remain grateful for each day, each breath, each moment. Being in the moment, awake, and remembering the gift of life and my feeling of gratitude for all of creation.”
–Steven
“My physical heart by limiting stress and eating a heart-healthy diet. My emotional heart by staying in love with the world and by knowing that all disappointment and loss will pass.“
–David Z.
Today, September 29, is World Heart Day. Strike up a conversation with your own heart and as you feel comfortable, encourage others to do the same. As part of our own transformations and self-care, we sometimes ask for others to illuminate and enliven our hearts or speak our love language.
What if we could do this for ourselves too, even if just for today… or to start a heart practice, forever?
Nitsan is the director of Together Beyond Words (TBW) and is trained and experienced in dance/movement therapy, healing touch, multi-level listening techniques, Radical Aliveness and Internal Family System (IFS) — all of which contribute to the Together Beyond Words peacebuilding work. She leads courses and workshops focused on understanding and healing prejudice, the everyday application of IFS and the TBW approach for peacebuilding.
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info@esalen.org
