Role Mate to Soul Mate: The Art and Discipline of Love
December 3–5, 2021
December 3–5, 2021
with Warren Farrell
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Role Mate to Soul Mate begins with a series of exercises that teach you the art of appreciating your partner. You then practice both the art and discipline of hearing your partner’s criticisms without becoming defensive. For example, so you don’t have to fear “walking on eggshells” before sharing a concern, your partner first learns how to prepare her or himself to emotionally associate your criticism with an opportunity to be more deeply loved.

Soul Mate is designed as the next evolutionary shift beyond active listening. Active listening allows the criticizer to feel heard, but fails to teach the person hearing the criticism how to emotionally associate the criticism with an opportunity to be more deeply loved. The problem? Unless the listener feels safe, the person sharing their concern cannot feel safe.

During the workshop, you will learn a series of skills that will allow you to connect more deeply with your partner, with yourself, and with your own innate ability to consciously create a more loving and communicative environment in your lives. We will do this by sharing a number of practices and experiences:

  • Dancing before each session, and learning how to use dancing to revitalize.
  • Together we will hold a loving and energizing closing ceremony.
  • You will learn how to create and sustain a “conflict free zone” for 166 hours of the week, and to prepare for the other two hours during which you and your partner will create a safe environment to hear each other’s most important concerns or criticisms.
  • You will learn to create time each week to appreciate your partner, and learn the art of taking those appreciations to seven levels of specificity.
  • You will learn “Eight Wisdoms” as a foundation for deepening your love.

To support your connection after the workshop, you are also invited to multiple free, on-going, group follow-up calls to resolve stumbling blocks. If you wish to review the insights and exercises at any time, you will also have the option of purchasing a Zoom version of the course.

This workshop is for couples of all genders and sexual orientations. A couple could be any two people with a history who desire a better future (i.e. parents or partners, married or divorced; newlyweds; parent-child; siblings; etc.). Developed over the past 30 years, the workshop is also used by many health professionals in their work with clients and patients.

Learn more about the process.

Recommended reading: Women Can’t Hear What Men Don’t Say, by Dr. Warren Farrell.

Warren Farrell

Warren Farrell

Dr. Warren Farrell has taught couples’ communication workshops at Esalen and nationwide for 30+ years. The Financial Times chose him as one of the world’s top 100 thought leaders. His best-selling books are published in 19 languages.

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Workshop Schedule

Fri 8:30 pm – 10:30 pm
Sat 10:00 am – 12:00 pm
Sat 4:15 pm – 6:15 pm
Sat 8:00 pm – 10:00 pm
Sun 10:00 am – 12:00 pm

More activities can be found on our open class schedule.

See general schedule information including arrival, departure and meal times.

Accommodations & Tuition

Click Register Now to view availability of accommodations and all-inclusive, program-specific tuition. Please note that not all accommodation levels are available for every workshop and additional faculty fees may apply.

We offer scholarship funds for those with financial need. Learn more.

Accommodations & Tuition

For this workshop, you will register and pay for accommodations and tuition in two separate steps.

First, sign up and pay tuition directly to

Second, click Book Accommodations from this page and enter the password to complete your reservation to stay at Esalen.

Prices for accommodations include your lodging, meals, open classes, and use of the baths and other facilities. View partner program accommodations pricing.

COVID Update

In addition to proof of vaccination, all guests and faculty must provide proof of negative test results at time of check-in. Please read our current COVID safety guidelines for complete details prior to booking your stay.

COVID Update

Effective January 7, 2022 in response to the rapid spread of the new Omicron variant, all guests and faculty will provide proof of negative PCR, NAAT, or antigen test results at time of check-in. The test must be taken within 72 hours nd results must come from a laboratory or healthcare provider.Please read our updated COVID safety guidelines prior to booking your stay.

COVID Update

Effective December 15 in accordance with new guidance from Governor Gavin Newsom and the California Department of Health, all guests, students, staff, residents, and faculty are required to wear masks in all indoor public settings, irrespective of vaccine status, for the next four weeks (December 15, 2021 through January 15, 2022). Please read our updated COVID safety guidelines prior to booking your stay.

COVID Update

Effective November 19, 2021, in accordance with new guidance from the Monterey County Board of Supervisors, all guests, students, staff, residents, and faculty are no longer required to wear masks indoors on campus. Please read our updated COVID safety guidelines prior to booking your stay.

COVID Update

Starting November 5, 2021, due to substantial levels of COVID-19 transmission in Monterey County, a mask mandate established by the Monterey County Board of Supervisors will go into effect. Please read our COVID safety guidelines prior to booking your stay.

COVID Update

All guests will be required to provide proof of vaccination upon arrival starting September 3, 2021. Please read our COVID safety guidelines prior to booking your stay.

COVID Update

Masks are no longer mandated indoors or outdoors, except during massage sessions. Guests are not required to provide testing or vaccination verification before arriving on campus. Please read our COVID safety guidelines prior to booking your stay.

All-inclusive Pricing
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