Stella Resnick, PhD,
is a clinical psychologist, author, speaker, and AASECT-certified sex therapist and supervisor. She practices in Beverly Hills, Calif. Dr. Resnick’s Full-Spectrum Training integrates couples and sex therapy. Her most recent book is The Heart of Desire: Keys to the Pleasures of Love.
Loving interactions between two people are present-moment expressions of a combination of pleasurable sensations in the body that can lift the spirit, heal emotional wounds, and forge a strong bond between people. The same can be said about making love. Yet, love and lusty sex are rarely seen as intertwined. Once lovers declare their commitment to each other, passionate lovemaking can fade as partners begin to interact as family, often through subtle bodily cues that can trigger old wounds and defensiveness.
Much emphasis in couples’ enrichment focuses on verbal communication, particularly articulating feelings and mending bridges. Yet subtle nonverbal communications can elicit unresolved past emotions in a nanosecond without either partner recognizing that their facial micro-expressions, vocal tones, and gestures are triggers. Being in touch with your bodily sensations and attuned to the other’s reactions involve present-centered body awareness and skills that can help partners heal old wounds and enjoy the pleasures of love.